Dickless
by S. Wright
Summary: Konoha has been betrayed,  and his son lay dying on an operating table while the Kyuubi no Kitsune is missing.  This was not what Minato Namikaze expected.
1. Chapter 1

I personally can't think of any reason for Naruto being a girl. However, after reading a few great stories, wondering desperately about the one Jelp has teased us with, and then seeing something that caused my latest WTF moment, I decided that I had to write a Naruto is a girl fiction.

I got no plot. This is going to be humor. Dark humor with a catfight or two and Hinata questioning her sexuality but most importantly it will prove that Sai was right all along,

Naruto really is…

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_Dickless_

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Dickless—A Naruto Fanfiction

I do not own the characters portrayed in the story, nor am I making profit from this publication. This was written just for fun.

Please read, review, and enjoy.

Sean.

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Part One

**I**

He had died on the operating table four times that night and each time she fought to bring him back all the while with horrified cries in her mind that thought it would be better to let him die. Valiantly or maybe it was her own cowardice she fought to save the life Konohagakure's no Sato's hero, with the memories all those she had loved and lost before, Tsunade, Fifth Hokage of Konoha, selfishly brought Uzumaki Naruto back from the end of his suffering to a new form of hell the young man never deserved.

She ignored looking down at the ruined body on the table. Those surgeons and nurses that could not stop gawking long enough to focus on saving the man's life she ordered out of her OR while blatantly refused to acknowledge what was happening to him round her blood-covered hands.

The flesh and organs continued to shift, shrink, rise, and fold as she stabilized and stopped the intense hemorrhaging that was once gushing out Naruto's lifeblood. At one point it had become too much for her to ignore and she was forced to halt the middle of her work to allow his body to complete its healing. It took twenty agonizing minutes then she would return to the work of bring him back to life and keeping him alive. Her selfish heart would not allow another precious one be torn from her again.

So she watched as his flesh folded and reshaped itself. Hard brown eyes never left the body on the table. She watched, she waited, and when it was done she went back to work. Tsunade did not allow her mind to think about what she had seen, it wasn't important. They would deal with it after Naruto woke up.

He would wake up by God or the Raikage would face the wraith of the last Sannin in all her rage. Kumogakure no sato would be reduced to a crater in the earth if Naruto did not survived.

She waved her team back in and they started to remove the clamps and sponges from Naruto's opened chest cavity. Once the rib spacer had been removed, the green healing chakra flowed from her hands as clumps of Naruto's hair was laid on the opened chest cavity and abdomen for a regeneration jutsu while Tsunade continued to feed chakra into Naruto's dying body.

What should have been a simple recon mission turned out be a kidnapping attempt turned assassination when Kumogakure tried to rebuild it demonic forces by taking Naruto. Naruto and his team of Genin were not enough to fight off the Kumoga nin and despite his skills, the Jounin was caught in a jutsu and Kyuubi no Kitsune was ripped out of Naruto to keep Konoha from having him.

Feeling eyes on her, Tsunade raised her tired gaze from the man on the table to the portal in the OR doors.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Tsunade now had to deal with explaining to the people of Konoha that they had their legendary hero back.

Really she was getting too old all for this shit. The Raikage was a cowardly bastard and now Kyuubi was out and the Fourth was alive.

And Naruto was…

She was still not ready to face that yet. There would plenty of enough time for explanations after Naruto woke up.

Outside the double doors stood a man who should not have been there. Namikaze Minato, the legendary Yellow Flash and Fourth Hokage of Konohakagure no Sato, watched his sensei's former teammate work on trying to save his son.

He ran a hand through his unbound shaggy blond hair in frustration, wishing that he could be in there or better yet that he had another one of those Kumoga nin in front of him to take his stress out on.

Seriously, what the fuck had happened? He remembered holding Kushina, both of their bodies being skewered on one of the demon's claws, as they said good-bye to their son. Kushina had been crying, she used what remained of her charka to try to hold Kyuubi and protect their boy. He had performed the (death seal) binding the physical form of the demon to him thinking that the best would never return. The creature's immense charka he sealed away in his son, with only leaving spiritual apparition of the fiend, thus making him useless to Madra and his schemes since only the demon's charka remained and that had been merging and converting into Naruto's own charka from the moment the seal was completed.

Now he was back. Naruto, his boy, had been gravely injured by the frustrated nin that allowed Kyuubi to go free. He honestly did not have a clue about what going on—too much time had passed, he was an old man in a young man's body and all he wanted to do was sit down.

This was most defiantly not supposed to have happened.

After what had felt like days, Tsunade and her team finally emerged from the operating theater. Her gaze fell on the blond hair man who seated on the floor watching her intently. Before he could speak the double doors opened again as four nurses came out pushing a bed that contained his son.

Minato was on his feet immediately and he rushed over to his side. The nurses had stopped when he approached after looking to their Hokage for askance.

Tsunade nodded, Minato was grateful. Tentatively he reached out to touch his son's face. It was blemished and small, his features sharp and overtly feminine. Yet Minato did not see this, he was seeing his son, his baby for the first time since the night of his birth.

With a helpless cry the powerful man almost when to his knees when he saw his boy.

"Naruto," his voice broke on a sob as his hand cupped his son's smooth cheek. "My boy."

She did not have the heart to tell him otherwise.

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Yeah, this is a teaser chapter. So tell me what you guys think. do you like the premise or have enough with the Naruto as girl stories? (Not that its going to change my mind.)

Thanks.

Sean


	2. Chapter 2

Note: I am nervous about this chapter. Heck, I am nervous about this entire story. I think went over this chapter enough times to post, if not, I will replace it later. Okay, so here's to mud in your eye. Drink up-read up, or something.

Remember, reviews are always welcomed.

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**Dickless: Chapter Two**

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"Twenty-two years?" Minato gaped helplessly. Twenty-two years had passed since that fateful night, leaving his mind a whirlwind of thoughts, doubts, and fears.

Tsunade wished she had some sake, more for the man seated on the other sofa than she did. It had been two days since Minato's return from the great beyond. With the Sixth Hokage out of the village for the five Kage summit, Tsunade was temporally holding the office until he returned.

"An Uchiha is the Hokage?" Minato looked as if he was going to fall out of his chair in shock.

Tsunade slipped her tea, "Uchiha Sasuke. He was not the first person I would have chosen as my successor, but the Council had much more power then and they were very much against my chosen successor. The village elders wanted to punish Naruto, to further rub their contempt further in his face, they chose a traitor over the village's hero, as the Hokage. It was the last time the Council was able to hurt Naruto. Uchiha turned their rejection in the best appointment any Kage could have ever made. He made Naruto head of the clandestine operations. Oh Minato and Naruto was a brilliant choice. Kakashi nicknamed Naruto the 'Number One Surprise' shinobi." A sob caught in her throat, Tsunade turned away from him with a hand pressed to her mouth as she fought back sudden tears. "He came to me," she smiled through the tears at the memory of better days, "It was the day after Uchiha's elevation that Naruto came to me with the most confused expression on his face. The boy was in shock, complete and utter shock. He had been denied so much by this village, endured their bias, and prejudice, he never expected anything good to happen to his after this last slight. Uchiha offered Naruto a position within his cabinet of advisors and he named Naruto Uchiha was in Naruto's unit when they were both Genin, they were friends—rivals then friends and now. Now they are married…"

"Married?" Minato let out a distressed cry. "My son is a homosexual?"

Tsunade frowned, "I never took you for a prude, Minato."

Flustered and blushing madly, Minato managed to force out, "This is my son we're talking about." He cried, "What about his legacy? What about children? Surely he would want to be a father?"

A small frown wrinkled Tsunade's smooth brow, "Naruto is sterile," she told him. "He lost the ability to reproduce the moment Kyuubi was sealed into his body."

"That's impossible." He cried, "Both Kushina and your grandmother—"

"They did not have the demon sealed into the bodies until after puberty," She reminded him, "Both of their when their sexual organs were full formed and functioning when they became." She reminded him tersely, "Naruto was an infant, not even a day old, when the Kyuubi was sealed into his body. Had he been few years older or at the very least ten years of age, there could have been a chance that his reproductive organs would have continued to develop normally.

"As it stands, jurkinki's that are sealed when they are infants are sterile. The current Kazakage was also sealed as an infant. He and wife have tried both the natural procedures and artificial insemination to conceive a child, but his sperm was completely dead even though the tailed beast has been removed from his body. Naruto suffers from the same condition. As fast his body would produce semen, it would die just as quickly." She looked at him and sighed, "You didn't know the consequences of the sealing, no one did, however, we understand why you did it, especially Naruto, and he would never blame you. He loves Kushina with all of his heart and he is proud to have taken her burden at the lost of his own happiness."

He nodded. "He's strong, just like her."

"More than you will ever know."

…._dickless_…

Sakura had spent the better part of four days pouring over every text, scroll, anything that she and her assistants could get their hands on related to trans formative seals and jutsu. Naruto had written the book on transformations, he perfected his _Oiroke no Jutsu_ to the point of the where he had spent three months undercover as a governess in Mizu without anyone being the wiser or ever dropping the henge. Naruto could be a woman if the mission demanded; he could be a little boy, a girl, or any animal except for a bird or a fish. He lived up to his title of most surprising shinobi because he could become whatever was needed for him to blend into fabric of society and just as easily fade away.

His unit specialized infiltration and espionage. Intelligence gathering was what Naruto did best, so how had Kumoga managed to keep something so reckless away from Konoha's eyes and ears seemed impossible and Sakura did not believe it.

Ever since he had become the head of the ANBU Intelligence Unit, Naruto had managed had managed to have his spies in every nation, in every walk of life, he left no nation uncovered, even Suna, and Gaara was Naruto's friend. So had Kumoga managed to keep this plan a secret?

Wanting answers and wanting them now, Sakura rushed to Naruto's office and found his assistant, Hiroki on the phone as he packing up Naruto's laptop along with several files. Hiroki reminded Sakura of a fret. He was a small man with his beady little eyes, rat-like nose and pointed chin, and bony little hands that he was constantly rubbing together. His stringy black was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail and sloppy uniform, again Sakura wondered why Naruto had chosen this odd little man to be his lieutenant.

"I'm on it, Boss," Hiroki was saying into the receiver. He was stuffed a few files into a portable file portfolio. "I've been coordinating with Captain Nara and Hyuga-san. Yes, yes, Hakata-san has left for Suna and should rendezvous with the Hokage in two hours. Yes, I have everything—I will be over as soon as I am off the phone." He looked up and saw Sakura standing the entrance, "Boss, the Chief Medical Officer is here? Do want her to tag along?" He looked at Sakura and repeated Naruto's reply, "The Boss says he will brief you tomorrow, right now he needs to focus on finding the mole before the Hokage returns."

"So he knows we have a traitor?"

"We knew before the attack," Hiroki corrected her. "We just didn't know about this."

…._dickless_…

Nara Shikamaru was not a happy man.

He was the Hokage's number two man, unofficially Shikamaru was the Hokage's chief liaison on the Council and his second most trusted advisor (Naruto was the first in command and the top advisor) Shikamaru served more as the Hokage's Chief of Staff and never had he hated his job more.

Naruto was in the hospital, his condition was listed as classified. For those who did not need to know, keeping the secret of the Kyuubi having been ripped out of Naruto's body and that had triggered the release that brought back not only the demon's corporal body, it brought back the Fourth Hokage was bad. Having Naruto body ripped apart and turned into a woman's by the enemy was a fucking nightmare. Just by creating and implementing this seal placed Kumo ahead of every other Shinobi nation thus making them the most powerful of all the nations. Shikamaru was not being facetious either; this bitch was a _bona fide_ killer. Had it not been Naruto but another Shinobi, say like the Hokage, he would have died before he could have reached the operating table.

It was that purpose that Hataki had taken a team to fetch the Hokage and to bring him home immediately, should Kumoga attempted to attack him while the five Kages met in Suna for their bi-annual summit. From his hospital bed, Naruto was directing his men to find the traitor. Though he was certain the double agent was dead, Naruto was determined to retrieve the body. A Yakama could read a dead man's mind just as easily as they could read a living person's mind. They needed to find out what else the bastard had told them and what he knew about Kumoga and this blasted seal.

Hyuga Neji was currently standing out on the border with practically an army watching for the demon. They had no idea how they were going to contain it, but Shikamaru knew that Naruto would volunteer to take the demon back.

But for now, Shikamaru could hold down the fort and do his part. He had to keep the Fourth out of sight, the Fifth sober, and Council at bay long enough for the Hokage to return and getting him up to speed. They could depend on the Council to attempt to take advantage of the situation if they caught wind of it, Shikamaru could only hope the Hokage would hurry his ass home because he did not want deal with replacing the Council again.

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Yep, most of the chapters in this story are short.

So move right along to Three.


	3. Chapter 3

Remember, reviews are always welcomed.

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**Dickless: Chapter Three**

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Uchiha Sasuke, the Sixth Hokage of Konohakagure no Sato, just barely restrained himself from returning to Suna and shoving his sword in neck of the Raikage. Forcing aside his rage and need for revenge, Sasuke focused on just getting home as fast as he could so he could get a handle on this situation before he could think about breaking his foot off in this motherfucker's ass.

You had to be either bat-shit crazy or a bold SOB these days to antagonize Konoha and not expect a war to appear on your front step. No one, not even the most deranged of madmen, would dare run afoul Konoha for fear of their Hokage. Sasuke was a ruthless when dealing with the other nations, Sasuke did not believe in mercy for his enemies and fucking dared anyone to challenge his will. So that left Sasuke with a puzzle: What did that bitch ass Raikage think was going to happen to him and his village once he started this shit? Did he suddenly develop amnesia because that was only explanation Sasuke could come up with that would explain this fool's obvious loss of his fucking mind because this was some kind of retarded shit a dumb fuck like Orochimaru would attempt.

Sasuke was not Tsunade who would bow down to the majority's wishes. He was not the Third always trying to hold the peace, he was goddamned Uchiha-motherfucking-Sasuke and he was going to break his foot in this motherfucker's ass.

Kakashi and his team were hard pressed to keep up with their raging Hokage. The man was livid beyond reason and just this side of frothing at the mouth in his rage.

"If this just ain't this a bitch?" Kakashi overheard one of the Hokage's guards say to another, and was inclined to agree.

This entire situation was fouled up six ways to Sunday and it was not going to end prettily. Sasuke had a few basic rules when it came to his spouse and the mission desk, and if you liked your head where it sat on your shoulders it was best if you obeyed those rules. Every Shinobi working the mission desk knew Naruto did not leave the village when the Hokage was not present. That was the rule of the mission office and it did not matter how often or how hard Naruto would put the squeeze a person (he had stopped pleading a long time ago.) The Hokage's orders were that Naruto stay within the confines of the village walls and eventually Naruto began comply. But this time there had been a rookie at the mission desk and the mission had been any easy C-ranked assignment. Nothing should have gone wrong, but somehow, everything did.

Naruto had been ambushed just two kilometers outside of the village. His Genin had been defenseless which meant Naruto was fighting to the death to keep those kids alive and to get them all back to village in one piece. There was a call for backup, but it come in too late and when the evacuation team arrived it was a race to get Naruto back to village to save his life.

Kakashi fought down a sigh and focused on trying to keep the Hokage (or his hair) in sight. It would not do for the Hokage to catch a few hunter Nins from another village between Suna and Konoha

The long black tail of the Hokage's tied back hair flayed harshly in the wind was how close Kakashi was to the Hokage and the others were struggling to just to keep pace with Kakashi, all were cursing the Hokage's speed.

Sasuke reached Konoha by evening that night, Kakashi and his guards were three hours behind him. He wasn't surprised to see Shikamaru waiting for him at the gates. Sasuke took a moment to don his robes before the two men headed for the hospital.

Naruto was in a private room in a secure wing of the hospital. He was up and out of bed when Sasuke entered the room.

There was a moment of silence that followed, Naruto stood still until the intense gaze slid over his body, noting every physical change the other had gone through. When he was done, Naruto turned away, walking stiffly to Hiroki's side to look at something the other had pulled up on his computer screen. Sasuke turned to Shikamaru and said, "Tell Tsunade I will meet with her in the morning."

"I want to set a meeting up with our people in Mizu," Naruto told his assistant. "The Mizukage has been showing a little too much interest in Suna and I think Gaara is flirting back."

"The Fifth told you to stay in bed," Shikamaru reminded him.

"Hell, I am still here in this bloody hospital aren't I," Naruto hissed, "There's too much that needs to be done, I can't do that flat on my back drugged up to my eyeballs."

"You can hardly walk, Boss," Hiroki pointed out.

"I don't think you would be running around four days after having your entire body ripped apart. In case you want to know, walking or any type of movement hurts like a motherfucker, but lying down is a stone cold bitch."

"You should have called a nurse if you were in pain," Sasuke told him.

Naruto shot a withering glare at him, "I am fine." Naruto hissed through clenched teeth. "I've been out of commission for too long and like you, Hokage-sama, I need answers."

"I assume that you have an idea on who our traitor is, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked.

Naruto handed Shikamaru a black binder that was labeled **Inuzuka, Kiba** before he limped towards his bed. "When I had to go to the Council to force Hana release to a tracker/sensor from the Inuzuka Clan to serve in my unit, she refused to give me anyone unless I accepted Kiba."

Shikamaru nodded, "He was the only one she was going to let serve under you." Shikamaru mussed. He flipped through the file a deeper frown on his face as he read Naruto's notes.

"She wanted to restore Kiba's honour regardless of how it would affect the village security." Naruto hissed as he lowered his aching body down onto the bed, "Truthfully, Kiba wasn't fit to serve as a shinobi but Hana refused to listen to reason and she had enough sway with the Council to ensure she got her way. She gambled and we are playing for it."

"Our entire Kumoga Operation has been shot to hell then?" Sasuke hissed.

Naruto nodded, "Completely. Kiba sold us out and then butt raped us with a broomstick. The entire apparatus is gone, Sasuke, and I honestly don't know how we can recover in Kumoga; Hell, I don't even know if we have people alive out there."

"I want feelers from Mizu to check things over in Kumo and try to get our people out we have survivors." Sasuke told him before turning to Shikamaru and said, "I want an elimination unit at the border by morning. Tell Morino to put it together, and I want Sai on point coordinating with Hyuga in the field, and tell Hyuga I want him to pull back to the northwest border. Get six ROOT units mobilized and patrolling the every sector between Hyuga and Sai. And I wanted this done yesterday, Shikamaru. I don't trust Gaara not to attempt another invasion to overthrow me."

Sasuke did not have to say what they were all thinking; if word get out that Kumoga created this seal and it works, the balance of power is going to shift in a major way, and Konoha would be the first on everyone's hit list.

Knowing that his orders would be relayed and carried out immediately, Sasuke dismissed the others, but telling them to meet at his office in two hours, and to contact the rest of his cabinet for the emergency meeting. Once Shikamaru and Naruto's assistant were gone, Sasuke turned to his husband. Grief washed over him as he reached down to cup his terribly delicate face of his husband before Sasuke collapsed to his knees before him.

Naruto reached for him only to flinch when Sasuke's head landed in his lap and his arms enclosed around Naruto's waist. Pain jolted through his still healing body when Sasuke squeezed his waist just a little too hard. Naruto bit down on his bottom lip to suppress his agonized gasp, but Sasuke still heard it and he quickly released Naruto. The sudden movement caused him to over balance on his heels, and before he could catch himself, Sasuke tumbled back on his rear and lightly rapped his head against one of the metal legs of the table Hiroki had been using as a desk.

Despite the sudden pain in his sides, Naruto could repress the chortles that erupted from his mouth at his husband's less than graceful moment.

An irritable Sasuke glared at the snorting man as he rubbed lightly at his tender skull. "It's not that funny, asshole," he grumbled.

"That depends on where you are sitting, bitch," came Naruto's cocky reply. He only laughed harder when Sasuke flipped him off—but he quickly stopped when the pain in his side returned, stealing his breath, before sending him crashing down on his back holding his waist in pain.

Sasuke sauntered over to the bed and looked down at his husband, a malicious smirk on his face as he met Naruto's disgruntled gaze. "Looks like the tables have turned, eh, little bitch?"

"Aw, fuck you, man." Naruto hissed.

Sasuke reached out and flicked him in the brow. "Is that anyway to talk to the man who raced through two countries just to get back to your worthless side in one day after learning of your attack?"

"Yes, especially when that man is a douche." Naruto quipped thus earning another a flick from Sasuke, this right between the eyes. He yelped and slapped a hand over his abused brow only to wince when the muscles in his chest pulled too tight. He glared at Sasuke, who was still laughing at him even as he was helping Naruto sit up against his pillows. He looked up when he felt the bed dip slightly at his side. He looked up at and his breath caught at tender emotion in Sasuke's eyes, "I'm alright," he told him. "I'm fine, bastard. I'm glad you are home and safe."

Sasuke took his hands into his and bowed over them. He listened to Naruto in the foreign voice wrought by this accursed seal and he felt the nervous fluttering of the unfamiliar fingers against his lips. Even now, the worst of tragedies, Naruto was thinking of him, Sasuke, who was both his husband and his Hokage. It was not right, but in a perverse sense, it made everything okay. They would get through this. This fucked up seal would be undone and Kumo would smolder ruin, but Naruto would be okay.

*.*.*

A short while later, Sasuke was walking through the lit streets of the restored Uchiha District towards his ancestral home in the center of the once desolated neighborhood. But things had changed, and it was for the better.

Four years ago, Sasuke had stumbled across a record of every Uchiha birth, marriage, and death that was kept by the main house. During one particularly tiresome month he was laid up with a fractured right femur, Sasuke went through each of them, before sending out inquires. When he became Hokage, Sasuke invited them to return to Konoha as Uchihas. The former ghost town was now bustling and teeming with life and new generation of Uchihas. None of the older generation had the Sharingan, still leaving Sasuke as the only living Uchiha with the kekki-genkai, But there was hope as more than a few of his distant cousins were beginning to intermarry and were producing off spring. There had been several children that born within the last two years, and now the village and the world, was waiting to see if this new generation would carry the Sharingan.

Sasuke and Naruto were planning to have their first child within the year. One of the older Uchiha women, a lesbian, offered them her eggs so that they would have a full-blooded heir Uchiha. She had died a few months ago in a botched mission, but luckily a few of her eggs had been harvested and fertilized with Sasuke's sperm and sat in a cryogenic tank in the ANBU medical center awaiting a surrogate mother. Sasuke had wanted his first child to be his and Naruto's biological child. There were several jutsu available could take a sperm of a male to convert it into an egg in order for two males to have a biological child. They would only need a surrogate mother to provide the womb to house the child. Yet due the Kyuubi having been interred in his body before puberty, Naruto's sexual organs did not develop as they should have which left him sterile. They had discovered this when Sasuke told Tsunade about the rotten taste of Naruto's semen during one his own exams. A thorough examination revealed the shocking extent of the damage done to Naruto's sexual organs, which was suffice to say that Naruto would never have a biological child.

And the reason for that was standing the middle of Sasuke's kitchen, with an absurd look on his face and plate of steamed buns in his hands.

Sasuke stood at the backdoor of his kitchen looking at the man the familiar stranger standing at the island in the center of the kitchen plating up two steamed buns. The door of the microwave was still open and the kettle on the range began to whistle. Minato turned around and closed the door after turning of the kettle and moved it to a cast iron trivet.

Sasuke figured that he was doing good when he didn't pull his sword on the man, but he wasn't going to push it. He was just go on about his business and leave—except that son of a bitch just happened to speak.

"So you are the littlest Uchiha."

Sasuke's hand flew his sword hilt that was hidden from view by his robe as a wave of unadulterated rage washed over him. "And you are the bastard that abandoned his infant son to a life of a living hell because you weren't man enough to be his father." He drawled with a forced smile that did nothing to hide his contempt. "Welcome back to world of the living, father-in-law."

Minato frowned, "For the record, I had every faith in my student, my teacher, and my village to protect and care for my son." He was still trying to cope with all that Tsunade had told him earlier about Naruto's life and how the village had betrayed him, Minato was not about some arrogant little shit throw his mistake in his face.

"Your son" Sasuke spat. "Forgive me, honourable father-in-law, but our son did not exist," Sasuke told him. "The Council and the Third Hokage denied the Kyuubi host the name of his father and knowledge of his heritage. Until he was sixteen years old, the village you had so much faith in vilified and demonized this child whom they abused and neglected in their self-righteous hate. They called him the Kyuubi, conveniently forgetting that First Hokage's wife carried the demon as did yours. Your son indeed." He hissed, "The people of this village reviled him and condemned him. It took Naruto nearly losing his life for the second time saving this worthless village before your precious student would even confirm that you were the boy's father and even then he was trying to tell Naruto it was a secret. This place would have been better if I had destroyed it."

"How dare you—" Minato roared.

Before he could blink, Minato found the young Hokage in his face. Eyes the colour of old blood immediately, Minato quickly averted his gaze to avoid the Sharingan. It was a feint, Minato belatedly realized when a lighting enclosed fist shifted his line of sight even as he bringing up his right hand with half formed Rasengan rising from his palm, but his hand was grabbed by a lightening enclosed fist and slammed down against the counter. He tried to rear back but Minato found the long slim blade of a _katana_ at his throat and the hilt of a _wakizashi_ was pressed against his left kidney.

This Uchiha was fast, Minato was certain he as fast, if not faster than Maito Gai. Minato didn't even see him move before the brat was his face, and that lighting attack, what the hell was that?

"Yes, I was going to burn this village to the ground and bathe in the blood of its inhabitants," Sasuke hissed in his ear. "This village's elders killed my clan, they tried to kill me, and they would have killed Naruto had that bloody demon not been in him. Ironically if it were not for their despised demon child, I would have razed this place and put the Hokage's head on a pike. " The two swords were put away and Sasuke was on the other side of the room walking towards the entrance of the dining room, leaving Minato to stumble forward before he caught himself on the counter's edge. "I should kill you. I want to kill you," Sasuke said over his shoulder, "For some reason Naruto cares for you and I will do anything to ensure his happiness so you will live, coward. You will be protected by this clan since you are the father of my husband and that is only reason you will live."

Sasuke went to his and Naruto bedroom, and grabbed a duffle bag from his footlocker and went to Naruto's closet. After preparing a bag for Naruto, Sasuke went to shower off the dirt and grime that he picked up from the road. Ten minutes later Sasuke was sitting at the foot of his bed with a towel slung around his waist, his wet hair hung over his scarred shoulders and back like a drape as he stared down at framed photograph in his hands.

They were still young men in their early twenties, and when the occasions allowed for it, they were able to act like youths their ages. The photograph was of them at some beach in a tourist trap in Whirlpool. They had learned to surf, they went to a kegger, and they slept on the beach more times than in their hotel. It was their honeymoon if you could call it that, and it was less than a year after he had been named Hokage. He had just turned twenty-one, Naruto was still twenty and his jealousy had been eating him alive. Sasuke had remarked that Naruto was still chasing him; secretly he never wanted him to stop.

He noticed that Naruto had been in a standard hospital issue gown and slippers. The slippers he could understand but he did not understand why no had thought to take him a set of pajamas so he would at least be comfortable. Sasuke threw two sets into the bag, a pair of sweats with a hooded jacket and faded gold and orange tee shirt that Naruto liked to wear around the house.

He dug up a package of women's panties Naruto had bought as a gag gift for Iruka's bachelor party but had the good sense not use put out as centerpieces when Anko announced that she was going to attend. Sasuke tossed the panties into the bag along with some deodorant and socks. He left the duffel bag on his bed while he went to take a shower and to grab a bite from the kitchen before leaving for the hospital.

…._dickless_…

"The basic principles are similar to the _Oiroke no Jutsu_ but once the jutsu has been constructed and released, we get into the deep tissue modification." Sakura said as she glanced down at the report that came out of Naruto's office. She tossed her pen down on the long conference table to see the other members of the Hokage's cabinet either scribbling down notes on scrolls or their fingers flying over the screens of their tablet computers. "That is when the jutsu ends and sealing begins." She continued, "The seal is based on a genetic condition known as Male Pseudohermaphroditism. Instead of leaving the target incomplete, this seal reverses the conversion of testosterone to dihydrontesterone thus completely undoing the subject's sexual identity making a physically new person."

"Do you think you can reverse it?" Sasuke asked absently. His gaze was fixed on a map that Neji's assistant had given him.

She shook her head, "This is a very technical and delicate operation, my Lord, one that required a sophisticated knowledge of karotypes and the underlying molecular mechanics of the atomic structure to reverse engineer a human body. I am going to need more time before I attempt my first case study, Lord Hokage."

Sasuke put aside the map and looked up at his Chief Medical Officer, his dark eyes were still unreadable to her, "Time is something we don't have, Haruno." Sasuke told her, "I want your team working on this night and day. Pull whomever you need to from where ever need, but this get this done."

"With all due respect, Lord Hokage, I have called in the best medical minds within the village and we are working on this, but I am no geneticist. Only someone on the level of Orochimaru could tackle this, but to our misfortune, there hasn't been a genius of his level in two generation. Twenty of the country's best and most brilliant minds do not equal the mental capabilities of that one man. I need time or the seal from Kumo if I am to unlock its secrets to help Namikaze-Tachiou."

"This isn't just about Namikaze," Shikamaru practically growled at her, "We don't know when or where they will strike next, we need to be prepared."

Sakura bristled under his reproach, "I understand that, Nara-sama, however there are too many variables and not enough experts to just jump into without a plan. If Ino was alive, I could have gone to her with this and we would have had this thing done."

"Kiba strikes again," Neji muttered.

She nodded, "Until I can get through Ino's study of Orochimaru work on molecular manipulation, I'm afraid I've got nothing to work with other than what I have now."

"Which is hardly enough to prepare for a successful counterattack," Sasuke said wearily as he reached up to rub at his bleary eyes. He was bordering on exhaustion; he was pushing close to forty hours without sleep or food. He had dropped off Naruto's bag before going to his Tower. He had wanted this briefing to be brief. Sadly, there was much that needed to be covered, explained, and pushed to have done before Kumo could attack again. The bastard Raikage still had the Hibichi in his corner, and Sasuke had every reason to believe that fool, thinking he had the advantage over Konoha now, would attempt an assault on them and soon.

This was the shit that needed to be addressed, and Sasuke did not understand why Sakura was still pissing around trying to play coy knowing the amount of pressure they faced—Unless the witch wasn't telling him everything he needed to know.

Sasuke tuned out Sakura and Shikamaru's bickering as he quickly scanned one of Naruto's reports about Kiba. Sakura was hiding something that was why she kept brining up Orochimaru every five seconds but it made absolutely no sense, so why in the hell did she not just come out say what she was trying to hide.

"That's enough," Sasuke snapped and the two fell back in their seats glaring at each other. "Haruno, you got two days to present your findings to me. Shikamaru, I want to know who Kiba was talking to here in the village, what he was doing on his down time."

"You think he had help?" Shikamaru asked.

"Inuzuka was no better than a dumb animal," Sasuke reminded him, "He was the type to act first and forget to ask questions at all. Haruno is right, the level of sophistication required for this entire operation mean patience, subterfuge, and a knowledge of genetics and seals that Inuzuka did not possess. I want to know who did and what the fuck did they think they were going to accomplish by betraying Konoha." He pushed his chair back and stood up. "We will continue this discussion tomorrow." Everyone stood up and bowed to their kage as he passed. Shikamaru straightened and moved to follow Sasuke out of the conference room. The two ANBU members at the guarding the door released the silencing jutsu and the barriers that kept unwanted visitors (e.g. Council Members) out. Once the jutsu was released, the large double doors opened out into empty antechamber that both men teleported and appeared outside Naruto's hospital room.

The guards bowed to Sasuke and stepped away to allow them some privacy. Sasuke rested his back against the wall, his gaze fixed on the door that separated him from his husband, and he sighed. "I want you put together an extermination squad, kill the bastard's wife and kids and his mistress in Kiri."

"He's going to know it's us," Shikamaru felt the need to point out to his lord, when Sasuke said nothing more, Shikamaru pulled out stick of his nicotine gum and popped it in his mouth. "The Raikage is going to be out for blood, he's going to retaliate."

"He going to be sloppy, the rage is going to throw him off and none of his advisors will be able to stop his rash and reckless attack. Send word to Suigetsu to mobilize Sound, when Kumo is in our territory, I want to slam the door on them and slaughter them."

Shikamaru nodded, "Anything else?"

Shaking his head, Sasuke pushed off the wall and went to Naruto's door. "You look like shit, man. Go home and kiss your wife. I'll see you in the office later today." With a final nod, Sasuke slipped inside the room.

Wearily, Shikamaru pushed off the wall and waved the two guards back to their position before he walked away. When he got outside, Shikamaru turned his face towards the east, the sky was lightening up with the first blushes of dawn. He was very tempted to return to his office and crash on his couch, except he had not slept in his own bed since this nightmare had begun nor had he seen his wife. Drawing in a deep brace breath of the cool morning air, Shikamaru ambled down the street, imagining his wife's sweet face.


End file.
